The Lie and The Epiphany

My rage fizzled once I (reluctantly) recognized his insight. Truth be told, I hadn’t been writing for a long while. I’d been having an especially difficult few months (okay, years). My moods had been yo-yo’ing. The stress of my corporate job was draining me physically and affecting me mentally. So . . . no! I was not writing.

Not what I longed to write, anyway. You see, writing and editing were always considerable parts of every J.O.B. I’d had. But that writing wasn’t mine. With my work responsibilities and long hours, no time was left for my personal writing projects.

At least that’s the story I told myself. . . . until my husband stepped in and his wisdom helped me rewrite that unworkable plotline.

Leaning across our kitchen island that morning, I realized for the first time the direct connection my creativity and self-expression have to my wellbeing, to my wholeness. I nearly wept at the revelation. But still, I didn’t fully understand the magnitude of the message. Not yet.

Changing Course

Those early explorations into the psychology of the writer’s mind were a hint about a future path--one I never imagined taking until a long, sleepless night when I admitted that the “security” of the corporate world was slowly killing me from the inside out. The next morning, I drastically altered my life’s direction, quit my high-stress job, and have never looked back. 

Committed to a creative life but still needing to feed myself, I turned my skills at deep and meticulous editing into a business supporting authors. Then I dove into two years of study to acquire certification as a Creativity Coach so I could coach and teach writers too. I began to host writing retreats for women, which continue to be some of the most rewarding aspects of my work and my life. While doing these things for my business, I also carved out time for my own writing projects and still do.

I never expected to get such a charge out of working with writers. I knew I’d enjoy it, yes. But to see the transformations and growth first-hand has been more gratifying than I ever imagined.

I've also witnessed writers' struggles firsthand.

Familiar Territory

Along with perfectionism and impostor syndrome (which is, in short, feeling like a fraud), one of the overwhelming challenges I’ve seen writers face is the fear of being “seen,” which carries with it possibilities of judgment, shaming, and even ridicule. The days when a writer can cuddle up in her lair and do nothing but write are long gone. Readers want to know the writers they read. So these issues—especially the fear of being seen—hold writers back in frustrating, crushing ways that extend far beyond their writing practices.

Reluctantly, I admit to suffering from them too. They’ve adversely affected me, both as a writer and a businesswoman.

But once I became aware of this, I did what I typically do when challenged: I kicked into learning and seeking mode. I sought something to move me beyond the safe confines of my desk, but more importantly, something that could take my self-expression to the next level in both my personal and my professional life while I continued to learn about and embrace my true, unique being.

Since self-worth, self-trust, and self-love are easily entangled with the challenges already noted here, there’s a far longer and messier story to be told about my journey to get where I am now. But just know that all the twists and turns on my trek eventually led me to the best decision of my life: to become trained as a Licensed WomanSpeak Circle Leader. As I claim and embrace my own unique voice and brilliance, both on the written page and IRL (in real life), I can now more fully support other women in doing the same.

Ah, yes. Richard Bach has it right: We teach best what we most need to learn.